


You Begged Me Please (Baby, Don't Leave)

by thecoloursinthegravel



Series: It's Like The Sirens [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:24:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecoloursinthegravel/pseuds/thecoloursinthegravel
Summary: “I’m not like that anymore. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”“You’re really saying there isn’t a part of you that wants to go back to how things were? That doesn’t crave that power again? You’re not made to be the husband of some stay-at-home dinner-making bore. You’re made to be a king. And you know I can give you back your throne. All you have to do is ask. It’s yours. I’m yours.”





	You Begged Me Please (Baby, Don't Leave)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of "I Don't Know What I'm Supposed To Do (Haunted By The Ghost Of You)" so I would highly recommend reading that first for this to make sense! I didn't want to make that a chapter story because I liked it as a stand-alone piece. So I thought I'd put all the parts of this story into a series! Hope that makes sense and I really hope you like it :) x

“Can we talk about this?”

“What’s left to talk about Ashton? You slept with him.”

“I swear-“

“Don’t you dare fucking say you didn’t, he fucking told me. I know, Ashton. I know everything, you piece of shit.”

“He’s lying.”

“Really?” Luke scoffed, “Or maybe you’re just lying now so you can get away with being a cheating scumbag.”

“Plea-“

“Was it good, Ashton? Did he get on his knees for you? Were you living the fucking dream? One guy during the day and another waiting for you at night? Is that how it fucking worked? Did you fucking timetable us in?”

“Luke, I’m telling you, I never slept with him. I wouldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t!”

“Bullshit.”

“I mean it Luke, I’d never hurt you like that. He’s lying, you have to believe me, please!”

“Why on earth would I? What reason would he have to lie?”

“Because- because he wants me back and he thinks-“

“You arrogant dick.”

“No I mean it Luke, he’s tryna split us up. That’s all this is. Just a twisted way to go back to the twisted shit we did before. Please Luke, please believe me. I didn’t touch him.”

“I don’t believe you Ashton. I don’t believe a word that comes out of your fucked up mouth.”

“I don’t know how to prove to you I didn’t sleep with him. I don’t know what to do to make you believe me.”

“How about go back in time and not get into bed with him in the first place. That would have been a pretty great place to start.”

“Luke. Luke!” Luke slammed the door on his way out, leaving Ashton staring after him in disbelief. A sick, empty sadness welling up inside him. And anger. Oh god was there anger.

 

\---

 

“I hate you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. I do fucking mean that because you just destroyed my FUCKING RELATIONSHIP! My fiancé thinks I cheated on him. He thinks I genuinely went behind his back and fucked you and now he’s heartbroken and god knows where-“

“He’ll be fine.” Michael spat, jealously seeping from him.

“No he won’t Michael! He thinks the man he loves cared that little about him he fucked around behind his back. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“He didn’t deserve you anyway.”

“And you do? When you pull shit like this? You’re fucked up in the head, Mike.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m the one that doesn’t deserve him. And now even if I ever do manage to convince him it was a lie he’s always gonna be on edge. He’ll probably never trust me again. That’s what you do to people, Mikey, you fuck with their heads.”

“Like you’ve never done the same.”

“You’re right! I have done that! With _you_. All the time we used to do that shit, to other people, to each other. That’s precisely the goddamn reason why I wanted out in the first place! I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want Luke.”

“No you don’t. You’re just out of practice. You can have Luke, sure. Boring life, nine to five job, standard house, wake up, work, sleep, fuck with the lights off, blah blah blah fucking blah. Or you could have me. And we, we could be on top of the world. Don’t you remember how it felt? When we were on a roll? We felt _unstoppable_. We _were_ unstoppable.”

“That’s not true, Mikey.”

“Yes it is and you know it is. Remember those nights in the Beledair? We’d walk in, split up, twist our way through the party until we knew everyone. Talking and listening until we knew enough to tear groups apart. Then we’d come together to watch each of the little people’s worlds burn. God, you were so good at that. It was the hottest thing seeing you in your prime, fucking people over and being so damn charming and good looking while you did it. And the sex after. _Fuck_ , I miss that. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other; it was primal and dirty and so fucking hot. I think about it all the time. I know you do too, how could you not? That was- that was everything. That was pure, unadulterated _us_.”

“I’m not like that anymore. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

“You’re really saying there isn’t a part of you that wants to go back to how things were? That doesn’t crave that power again? You’re not made to be the husband of some stay-at-home dinner-making bore. You’re made to be a king. And you know I can give you back your throne. All you have to do is ask. It’s yours. I’m yours.”

“I don’t fucking care, Mikey. The only thing I want is Luke back. Safe, with me, where he should be.”

“Safe? Since when has safe ever got your dick hard? And stop fucking talking about him Ash, it’s over between you two. He’s the past. Good fucking riddance, I say.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“So good to hear you say that again.”

“Stop it. Stop this sadistic game of yours and get out of my life. I don’t want to play anymore. And don’t you dare keep dragging Luke into this sick, twisted fantasy you seem to have where you and I still mean something.”

“We mean everything, baby.”

“Nothing. You mean nothing to me. Not after this. Not after what you’ve done. This is my _life_ , Michael! You can’t just play with people’s lives like that!”

“You and I both know I can. And you love it.”

“What are you gonna do Mikey? Please, just tell me. I can’t live like this. I can’t have this constant fear of what you’re gonna do next. Look at what you’ve turned in to. I’m actually scared of you.”

“And doesn’t that just make you feel alive?”

“No, Michael. That makes me feel scared. That’s all. I want my life back.”

“It’s waiting for you.”

Ashton balled his hands into fists and grit his teeth, growling through them in frustration. “Fuck Mikey, you know what I mean! I don’t want to be with you. I want to be with Luke. In our nine-to-five boring fucking perfect lives. I want that! Can’t you see? I’m begging you, Mikey, please let me go.”

“You don’t want that Ashton, I refuse to believe it.”

“Mike-“

“He’s brainwashing you, Ash. Making you think you’ve got it sorted when really three years from now you’re probably gonna want to throw yourself off a bridge to escape him.”

“Fine. Fine. So what if that is going to happen? So what? At least I made that choice. At least I got to decide. This, this is not a decision. This is not you making me realise what a fool I’ve been. This is you playing god on a life that isn’t your own. This is you totally fucking with every and any decision I want to make right now. That is not right, Mikey.” Ashton sighed heavily. “You say you love me, yes?”

“You know I do.”

“Well then please, _please_ , for me, stop this.”

Michael just looked at Ashton, clearly thinking. He was hurt. And confused. And slowly understanding the truth. That didn’t mean he wanted to hear it though.

“Mikey?”

“Yes?”

“Can you please promise me something like this isn’t going to happen again? Can you please promise me this is the end of it?”

“The end of it?” He sounded so small and so hurt. Such a bitter contrast to the controlling, scheming, sultry tone his voice held earlier.

“The end of it, Mike. The end of us. For good.”

“I can’t-“

“Please.”

“I can’t promise you something like that Ashton, you can’t make me promise something like that. Not that Ashton, please not that.”

“It needs to be that, Mikey. We can’t talk anymore. It ends in tears every time we do.”

“But they’re my tears. Surely I should decide.”

“Sometimes they’re Luke’s too.”

Michael’s face bunched up in disgust at the sound of his name.

“I don’t give a shit about Luke’s tears.”

“Well I do. And you supposedly give a shit about me, right? Well then start acting like it.”

“Everything I do is for you.”

“No it isn’t, Mike. It’s for you. Because you can’t let go. You have to let go. You have to, Mikey, I’m worried about you. This is so unhealthy. Doesn’t it hurt? Doesn’t it hurt being around me like this?”

“You know it does.”

“And I’m not coming back to you Mike, I’m sorry but I’m not. Not ever. Not for anything. So you know what needs to happen.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t want to believe that it’s never gonna happen again. You and me. I still believe it, in my heart Ashton. How could I be wrong if I’m listening to my heart? How Ashton? How?” Michael had grown all the more hysterical, cheeks wet with tears and voice loud and breaking.

“I think we figured out a long time ago that our hearts are just here to fuck us over. We should never have listened to a thing they said. Nothing should hurt this much.”

Michael looked broken, everything about him in that moment was so small.

“So that’s it then? We never see each other again. Just like that?”

Ashton just nodded, afraid that if he opened his mouth he might say something he’d regret. He was too caught up in the emotion of it all. Too caught up in Mikey. Yet again.

“I really want to kiss you.”

“We can’t do that, Mike.”

“But he doesn’t have to know. He never has to know. It’ll just be our little secret. One final goodbye. I can’t live knowing I didn’t get to kiss you one last time.”

“Michael, I’m not doing that to Luke.” But he wanted to. Oh boy did he want to. He wanted to take Michael in his arms and kiss him like it was the only way to breathe.

“Please?” His eyes were shiny with tears and he seemed so desperate.

“Please don’t make me do this. Please don’t make the last thing we have of each other another bitter rejection.”

“It doesn’t have to be a rejection.”

“ _Mikey_.”

“This is the last time we’re ever gonna see each other. And you’re telling me you don’t want one last kiss? You’re really saying you don’t want to kiss me again? Not just once? Not just-“ Michael was cut off by Ashton’s mouth on his own. The kiss was heated and urgent. Lips were pushing against each other desperately, tongues exploring mouths, hands clutching in hair and around waists.

Ashton pulled away first.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck, FUCK! What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m everything I said, I _swore_ , I would never be to Luke. Fuck, I’ve ruined everything. I did it, I fucking hurt him like I said I never would.” Ashton’s face was in his hands and he could barely breathe. “I haven’t changed. I never changed, I’m just the same old useless fuck up I always was. I’m never gonna stop hurting people. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me?”

“It’s okay, Ash. It’s okay. Look at us, look at what we just did. You don’t miss that? That was, Ashton, that was incredible.” He moved over to Ashton and placed a hand on his back, moving it in slow, soothing circles.

“I hate myself for that. I’m so sorry.” He stared down at his feet, jaw locked, disgust for himself leaking from every bone in his body.

“Sorry? Don’t be sorry. Why would you be sorry?”

Ashton looked up at Michael, eyebrow raised slightly. “Because I just kissed you. Because I just dragged you back ten steps in the process of moving on. Because I said all those things about fucking with people then told you to get over me right before sticking my tongue down your throat.”

“You kissing me again was something I’ve been waiting for, fucking begging for, for months now. Ever since you left I just wanted to taste you again. And I got to. It was everything, Ashton. Everything I wanted. For the first time in months I don’t feel so much pain.”

“But- I don’t understand? Wasn’t that just confusing? Didn’t that just send all the wrong signals? It’s like giving you something you wanted so badly then taking it away again right after. That’s fucked up.”

“It didn’t send all the wrong signals because I know you still love me. You said so, before. The last time we were here. I know that and I’ll always know it. I also know I can wait now.”

“Wait?”

“For you and Luke to be over.”

“What?”

“It’s obvious now. You aren’t ready yet, you’re still sucked in by his domestic charm. I knew that, see, but I was pushing it. I’m so stupid! I know you’re going to get bored eventually. So, obviously, all I need to do is wait. And you can’t tell me that you wouldn’t love it, being back with me. Not after that kiss. Not after that. That was- wow. But I know you’re not ready yet, I see that now. So you can go back to Luke. I’ll be waiting, though, Ash. I’ll always be waiting for you.”

Ashton’s eyes swelled with tears, his face full of fear.

“God, Mikey.” He practically whispered. “What have I done to you?”

 

 

 

          

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Find What You're Looking For by Olivia O'Brien
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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